Ang bait-bait ko today. Maybe because I'm still going through this oh-wow-life-is-too-short phase muni-muni. Yesterday, I was telling myself na, yeah, life really is short. And you can never tell when it's your time to go. And similar to what Brian's last message to me was, when it is really your time, only pray for a peaceful exit. Kaya ngayon, I'm trying to remind myself na to smile often, if not always. I mean, it's like always thinking positive. Sayang ang araw kung galit ako parati or hindi maganda ang impression ko sa ibang tao. Kung may bad situation, relax because there's always a solution. I will try to be considerate of negative people too. I got negative friends and madalas I avoid them. Pero ngayon, siguro I'll just try to accept who they are. Ganun na talaga sila eh. Iba naman din kasi ang pagiging nega sa pagiging masama, right? Tatamaan din ako ng init ng ulo or galit from time to time. I just pray na God will quickly remind me to keep it cool.
But I'm not gonna go "seize the day," or "strive to make a difference," or alam mo yun? Yung parang pipilitin ko ang sarili kong maging super man? Hindi ko naman siguro kailangan pang gawin yun. Ang point ko lang naman kailangan ko gawing maging mas human ako. To love the people around me. I'll try to. I will also love my friends. Yeah, of course I love my friends. Makulit na ako pero, I'll try to be more positive, or remind myself to.
Yesterday afternoon I went to St. James and prayed. Not just for Brian. But also for myself. Napaka peaceful ng simbahan na walang laman. Walang stress! I asked God to make me better. When I was younger I asked God to make me happy. But I think I didn't deserve it kaya hindi ko yun naramdaman. Ang tagal na ng panahon to realize this pero I guess I should be happy, given all the blessings that I have. Kinailangan ko lang siguro na mabatukan, spiritually. Sure, maiinggit pa rin ako sa ibang tao. Sana ganito, sana ganyan. Lalo na ngayon bakasyon ang mga tao tapos ako hindi makalayas because of responsibilities (hindi ako maka-relate sa long weekend na yan ha). Pero sa ngayon, siguro magiging mas kuntento na ako sa situation ko. Happy pa rin naman eh. I still get to see my friends, although bihira. Nakakalabas pa rin kapag weekend. At nakakapag pamasahe (hihihihi.... simple joys).
Magugulat malamang nanay ko if she finds out na I went to church today. I was back at St. James kanina for the 6:30PM mass. I went to mass. All by myself! I don't go to mass lalo na dito sa village kasi nakakairita ang mga taong nagsisimba. Fashion show na, tapos makikita mo pa yung mga matapobre. The irony! (O Felipe, positivity! Positivity!). Anyway, nung 1st year college ako, I used to go to the 6:30pm mass. And siguro I got tired of it so I stopped. Ang tagal na nun. More than a decade! Grabe. Anyway, I liked the mass kanina. It wasn't crowded. Siguro 1/4 lang ng simbahan kanina, or wala pa. Mostly oldies ang nagsisimba. And I think it's more solemn kasi tahimik. This doesn't mean na I will start hearing mass regularly. I wanted to feel peace kaya I decided to go to church. And it helped. I'm smiling again. yung smile na parang mas maaliwalas ang tingin ko sa buhay. Parang ganun. Maybe I'll be attending the weekday 6:30pm mass once in a while. Kanina I didn't take communion. Siguro na wirdohan sa akin yung mga tao. I was like stuck to my seat. Kasi hindi ko alam kung anong symbolism ng taking a communion and if it's REALLY REALLY essential na you do it. Kung symbolism lang naman that it's Christ, magdadasal na lang ako directly sa kanya. Sabi ko nga sa dasal ko kanina baka nakukulitan na sa akin ang Diyos kasi paulit-ulit ang dasal ko.
To everyone. Seriously, be happy. Llife really is short to waste your time on anger. Forgive and forget. I have another post about that pero, haaaaaay. Pagod na akesh. Next time na lang.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Over night kami ni Hani sa Laiya. It's our date weekend. I hope everything will be good!