Pagdadalaga

When I was in high school, I wasn't aware very much about sexuality. Sure I was attracted to both boys and girls. Once upon a time naman nagka-gusto din ako sa babae. Pero it was something like girl-love-ko-ang-hair-mo-gawin-nating-french-twist kind of thing. I was attracted to guys but there was no libog involved. Yung tipong gusto ko lang silang makasama at kapag makasama ko naman sila for homework or tambay sa football field may nararamdaman akong something-something na hindi ko ma-explain na naco-confuse tuloy ako kung gusto kong mangitlog o reglahin. Hindi naman ako nakakanood o nakakakita ng porn dati kaya wala naman talagang malisya. It was a simple yet inexplicable attraction, at least during that time. Siguro nga bata pa I was already gay. Hindi lang nadevelop agad because I was too sheltered from the world outside our village.

Noong college naman ako, nagkaroon nanaman ako ng crush sa isang babae pero this time it was something romantic. Nandidiri ako sa sarili ko just by recalling this. Para bang ang dumi-dumi kong tao pero yeah, I had those feelings. Ewww. Napansin ko lang, attracted ako sa mga babaeng may strong personality. Yung mga matatapang at matataray. At lalong-lalo na yung mga hindi maaarte. Siguro subconsciously nagkakagusto ako sa babaeng parang lalake, pero hindi naman sa mga butch na T-bird. Hindi naman ganung level at baka bumuka ang lupa. Afraid! Anyway, nag-evaporate din feelings ko sa kanya after 3 sems kase parang na foresee ko na rin na ang ending namin ay magkukulutan lang kami. At ayan nanaman ang mga lalake at ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanila na hindi ko maintindihan. Windang levels 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! So many boys so little courage. Ayun. So many boys lang. At ayan din ang kaklase kong si Steve. He was straight as an arrow and as Chinese as a drug smuggler from Hong Kong. He wasn't hot. He was just, you know, mukhang lalake at amoy lalake. And did I mention that he was Chinese? I have a thing for authentic chinito boys. Like what I told my friend KD some years ago, "love your own kind." Anyway, college ended nang hindi ko man lang nadilaan ang kili-kili ni Steve. LOL! Oh well, his loss. Charing!

I discovered the internet as a medium for meeting boys. Teka, di ko na alam ang point ng sinusulat ko. I'll make kwento about something else. Yuh, bitin pero sorry, I forgot na what I was writing about. Next time na lang. Anyway, the coffee table for my room should be arriving soon. Maybe this week or next week. I dunno. That's what my Mom says. I don't wanna be too excited about it. I want a table para when friends are here visiting, we have a table to put the pizza on while playing Wii or watching a DVD movie. Haha. Labo. Sige work muna ako 'te.